traffic

Who the hell taught today's commuters how to drive? Speed up, slow down, stop on the damned interstate. It's a game to these people. It's not like they have a JOB to get to or anything.

I hate traffic. HATE IT! It's not the bumper-to-bumper 85 mile-per-hour death traps, the pseudo-sadist in me actually enjoys that kind of traffic. It's the bumper-to-bumper crawling along at anywhere between 10 and 1 m.p.h. with 30 second spurts of 25 m.p.h. that get your hopes up CRAP that irritates the hell out of me.

I really wish I could get a video feed from 10 miles ahead of me that shows exactly what the hell is going on up there that makes the idiots in their BMWs and Jag-you-arse feel like they need to slam on the gas and then brakes in 15 second intervals.

Instead of everyone getting their hopes up, why can't we all just slowly accelerate at the same rate until we're all back up at the death-defying 85 m.p.h. bumper-to-bumper traffic that we all know and love? Sounds like a great idea, right? Apparently, no one else gets it.

They're all to busy fixing their make-up and checking stock prices on their f-ing cell phones while narrowly avoiding a rear end collision with the precocious SNOB in front of them, who just happens to be doing the same thing. Now after the first dozen yuppies in line slam on their brakes within a few seconds of each other, they cause quite a ruckus behind them. Ruckus, thy name is mac.

So instead of a smooth flow of traffic into and out of the city, they have to go and make that vein in my forehead throb and cause my middle finger to extend in a wide, sweeping arc towards the bastards in front of me. Of course, this is after I lean on my horn and scream obscenities out of the window.

How can we avoid this in the future? Simple.

1- Carpool, duh.
2- Use public transportation instead of driving your $80,000 car half a mile to your yuppie office.
3- Get off your damned phone and watch the f-ing road.
4- Stay back from the other cars so you don't have to slam on the brakes and get a radiator up your ass.
5- Stay the hell out of my way.


-mac