nerds and swords - 07/01/04

Okay, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I'm not a nerd. Admittedly, I have been known to do things that make nerds, well, nerds. I even played a game of Dungeons and Dragons when I was 14. But it wasn't until I got to college that I realized how bad the plague of nerdiness could get. The below description is 100% true, no names are mentioned to protect the nerdy.

I was driving back to my quad from a midnight fast food run when I pulled into the parking lot of the dorms and noticed six shadowy figures wielding what appeared to be enormous swords and axes. This struck me as odd, because the last time I checked, I lived in the 21st century, where people just shot each other. As I got closer to the freshmen dorm, where these figures were loitering, I realized these were some nerdy freshmen walking around with giant weapons. But, these were not real weapons. They were PVC pipe and duct tape weapons that these kids had made, and from the looks of it, had spent a lot of time on.

Apparently, these guys (yes, all males) had fashioned these ridiculous weapons so they could bring some of their favorite video game characters to life. And here they were, in the middle of a college parking lot, in the middle of the night, having mock battles (which I assume were to determine who was going to be the quimby that night.) Now, this could be cool, especially if these guys were haulin' off and beating the hell out of each other, but they couldn't even get this right. They would actually pretend to hit each other and (prepare yourself) use spells on each other. This is no joke, and it got even worse.

These guys ended up getting in trouble with a professor when they all brought their oversized dildos WITH THEM TO CLASS!! Yea, no joke, these guys brought these things with them to SHOW OFF! Needless to say, no one was impressed. Well, after that they never brought their Lord of the Geeks toys to class, but I did see them every-so-often outside in the parking lot, casting spells and swinging their duct taped masturbatory devices at one another.

I found out later that these guys even had made up names that they lived by when they were in ''Battle Mode.'' I'm still working on contacting people to find out what the names were, because I'm sure we're all dying to hear what they were calling themselves. I'll keep you up to date when I find out more.

-jay