burning

Dr. Moral,

Hello. I was at a kickin' party the other night and got totally plowed. From what I can remember, I hooked up with this really hot chick and went all the way, if you know what I mean. It was <censored> sweet! Anyway, the next day I got up to hit the can and it burned like hell when I pissed. What can I do to make the burning stop?

Drunken in Dallas

Dear Drunken,

Ah, youth. How I miss the days of drunken debauchery and hooking up with random women without the threat of any kind of commitment. It sounds like you've done very well for yourself, congratulations! The key to this type of situation is to continuously remind yourself that she was indeed a hot chick. As long as you remember that she was hot, and that you got some amazing action, you will hardly notice the burning during urination.

Here are some tips to help make the burning stop. First, only urinate when you absolutely must. Second, try drinking near lethal doses of alcohol. The alcohol will pass through your body, and on the way out, sterilize your urethra and whatever venereal disease you picked up. Finally, remember that the burning is a penance that you must pay for hooking up with a hot chick, especially a slutty one, and for not wearing a condom. Next time, wrap it before you tap it my friend.

Dr. A. Moral